Tag: books

A busy week!

On 15/04/2025

In Art & Practice, Plans & Events, Readings, Reflexions, Self-care & self-compassion

Managed to finish Viola Davis’s memoir “Finding Me” in just 9 days! Makes me very happy. I might even succeed in going back to the plan of about one book per month!

Some thoughts :

The writing was pretty raw and less polished than I’ve read in memoirs previously, but considering the subject matters, it felt very appropriate and unfiltered.
I had not realized how much of a significance How To Get Away With Murder had : for some reason, when it started airing, it seemed to me that Viola was a household name and her casting was entirely and unquestionably warranted. It actually is, but that’s not how a lot of people saw it. I also did not know how challenging the journey to get there had been.
Though we actually have very little in common, I found her sensibility and sensitivity very relatable. Though I can still only imagine what she’s gone through from the words on the pages, as opposed to how she experienced it all, I have so much empathy for her courage and her pain.
Describing her witnessing of her father’s death hit a very sensitive and very raw wound, having gone through something similar just recently, and I’ll admit I broke down.
Her resilience shows so much through the pages, against everything she has endured. I already had a lot of respect for her, and the memoir sincerely cemented that.

***

Though I had “The Origins of Creativity” on my to-read next, “Atomic Habits” by James Clear became available on the Libby app. I’d put a hold on it and I had delayed that hold probably 3 times by now, so when I got the notification again on Friday night, knowing “Finding Me” was possible to finish in the next day, delaying the loan again didn’t make sense. Will hopefully finish it by the end of April.

Actually, I really have to finished it by May 3rd, as there are still many people waiting to get their turn so I wouldn’t be able to renew the loan..!

***

The advent of the once-in-20-years event that The Rasmus concert will be next month has spurred me to try and prepare drawings for them to sign if my friends and I end up being lucky enough to chat with them in person. So I have about a month to both practice, and to complete 4 quality drawings to get printed and signed. A challenge!

Here are the two I’ve done so far, Emppu and Eero :

***

My 7 dailies have been completed in full for the past 3 days! First time in… a really long time. It made me proud, but at the same time, it didn’t bring back the pressure to complete everything all the time, especially at the end of the day. Rushing to check off a botched task at the end of the day, exhausted and fed up, is not bringing me joy. Cleaning-slash-tidying up might be an exception, because the results are tangible and helpful. A quick doodle or two Finnish words I won’t remember is not added value.

***

For the first time in years, I attended a live model drawing session (yes, the nude kind) on Sunday, to improve both on anatomy and fluidity skills. Hadn’t realized it until I got there, but that specific session carried an additional challenge : a female model.

See, growing up drawing for fun from my own mind helped a lot to develop my creativity, and my imagination. Unfortunately, the latter tends to interfere with the attempts to realistically recreate something. Paired with being especially critical of the curves I draw, a female model thus presents a significant risk of frustration.

The sessions take place at one of the city’s universities, for a very modest price, and they alternate female and male models. I decided to go at the last minute this weekend because there wouldn’t be one the following Sunday, as the university is completely closed during Easter.

It actually went particularly well! Frustrating at first, but I reminded myself both that it had been years, and that this was a significant challenge, and to give myself some grace. It did help, and I still managed to go home with several pieces I’m very happy with!

I do see and feel a weakness in drawing feet, so I’ll do the mature artist thing and go practice that specifically. There are still two weeks until the next session, so plenty of time to find tutorials and to improve even a bit.

Various life updates

by Laury

On 09/04/2025

In Art & Practice, Music, Plans & Events, Readings, Reflexions, Self-care & self-compassion, TV shows

It’s been a while! To be completely frank, I lacked inspiration, and kept procrastinating. Exciting news were received today however, so I’ll get on with all of this!

***

First, the less joyful but fulfilling nonetheless : I finished reading Enlightenment by Sarah Perry on the morning of April 1st. The physical copy I’d gotten from the Grande Bibliothèque de Montréal helped tremendously with focus. It had been too long since I’d had a real book in my hands.

The story was an exercise in finding ways to relate to characters I had little in common with, at least at first. The two main characters, Thomas and Grace, are initially found in a rather… old-fashioned baptist community. Thomas seems to be a bit of an outsider in every setting, and eventually we find out why. Watching him fall in love with astronomy and hold on to past loves was very endearing.

So is Grace, whose oddness, curiosity and hunger clash with her faith on several occasions and in as many different ways. Her temper, confusion, and conflict, while not one I specifically encountered, was nonetheless very relatable.

Overall the story was very human, both through the main characters and those orbiting them in the present, and through the mystery figure Thomas searches for in the past. Imperfect individuals trying their best to build a good life with what they’re given and falling prey to their own emotions.

On April 2nd, the very next day, I started with Viola Davis’s memoir Finding Me. I knew I needed something especially engaging, and memoirs often do the trick. This one is no exception : a week later, it’s almost halfway done!

***

I’m now a week and half back into my previous habits. My objective of completing 4 out of 7 of my daily goals turned out pretty well so far. Though itching to go back to fully fill out my checkmarks everyday, I also know that rushing into it is just likely to mess things up. I took a month off from expectations, I will at least give myself a few weeks to get back on track properly.

One of the things I was aiming for was to draw for longer periods and more intentionally : make it a practice and actually work at it. I still haven’t pushed myself to do it. It is absolutely fear of messing up and of upsetting myself in the process. How annoying is it, to upset myself into being afraid of being upset!

Last week, I revisited my portfolio to motivate myself. Having not practiced consistently for years, my skills have rusted, and it is frustrating to try and shake it off. Looking back meant to inspire me, and to remind me that if I managed to get to that level of skills, I can do it again. It is going to necessitate intentional work, and it is going to remain frustrating for a long while, but it’s possible.

And it did inspire me. But I’m still afraid. That’s also something that needs work.

***

The exciting news : 21 years after their first visit to Montreal, The Rasmus are coming back in a month for a concert!!

I cannot properly express how deeply their appearance in my life shaped it. The people I met, the experiences and opportunities, the growth that came from all of it… There is no wondering what my life would have been like had I not stumbled on their video for In The Shadows and subsequently gotten obsessed. I am genuinely grateful for all of it.

While there is some catching up to do on their discography, I look forward to it, and to both revisit memories and make new ones.

***

I’ve been binge-watching Yellowjackets this week, which is all kinds of messed up and convoluted, but doing a great job and keeping me engaged. For the most part. There have been moments when it felt it was more background noise than anything else, and it made me reflect on my binging tendencies. No breakthrough yet, but awareness is the first step…

The end of the lowered expectations experiment

by Laury

On 30/03/2025

In Art & Practice, Readings, Reflexions, Self-care & self-compassion, TV shows

The fourth week has come to a close, and I have mixed feelings.

Overall, it did some good, even though the original goal was not exactly reached. I’m ending it now because though what it meant to accomplish didn’t happen, something else did that has the same end result.

The past year was very difficult, and though the various losses I sustained were generally processed in a healthier way than those of 2022 were – growth! – I fully expected myself to have a breakdown at some point. The lowered expectations were meant to give myself space to let that happen, so I could let it all out, then move on.

It came really close two weeks ago, when technical work issues had me so stressed and exhausted that the state of overwhelm followed me most of the week. I mentioned it to my supervisor who got really concerned, and then somehow, I think I pushed it all out of the way while reassuring him that this was part of a known cycle – it is – and that I’d be just fine – I was.

Not going to lie, it sorta felt like a missed opportunity. It also didn’t feel like things were getting repressed, so perhaps talking about it really did help process it. Who’d have known!

One consistent issue throughout the experiment has been the lack of energy. There had been hopes of sleeping more, better, and none of that happened. Unsurprisingly, having more time to feel and face my own feelings did not turn into long walks on the beach and romantic dinners with my emotions. Doomscrolling and constant background noise were the numbing poisons of choice practically the whole time. Doing less, in this case, led to burning more energy on unhelpful activities. And that also meant not having enough to infuse into the willpower to do anything about it.

And yet. Sometime last week, as I watched this video of advice on how to better wrangle oneself as an artist, something, somewhere in my mind, clicked back into place. Hard to define and impossible to explain, but for the first time in a really long time, and especially since my dad’s passing 6 months ago, I felt that I was going to be okay. Not yet, but eventually.

That was actually the cathartic moment that my lowered expectations were meant to bring me : the ability to see – no, to feel – a future. Not just being stuck in an uncomfortable, soul-crushing present.

Grief will always take exactly as much time as it needs, and that’s okay. Sometimes it will force me to sit down with it, but I’m not stuck in that chair anymore. I can start moving forward with it, hand in hand.

Today I’m starting my dailies and my tracking again. Immediately jumping back to what I used to expect of myself is obviously an almost surefire way to stumble and get frustrated, so the goal is only for 4 out of 7 dailies for the first week, then I’ll see how it went. My water intake will probably nearly double as it’s tracked – I’m probably somewhat dehydrated.

One major change will be drawing. 2 minutes isn’t enough to return to the levels of passion and skill I have been (passively) dreaming about, so I want to try and commit to an hour a day, on 4 days per week at first, then augment from that point. My job requires 2 office days per week, but then the hour can get split into 2 sessions of 30 minutes instead.

*******

Almost done with Enlightenment by Sarah Perry, as the Grande Bibliothèque de Montréal had available copies, rather than waiting for the digital copy, or for my neighbourhood library to find theirs. 60 pages left!

The Residence, an investigative Netflix dramedy, ended up very binge-worthy! Uzo Aduba was marvellous as the peculiar detective, and while realistic as it’s a Netflix show, I’m hoping for more seasons.

Caught up with the second season’s finale of Severance and looking forward to more confusion in the third one!

The Wheel of Time’s 5 first episodes of season 3 have been incredibly satisfying as well! 3 more to go!

Excited about :

A 3rd series of Avatar coming in 2026! A rewatch will be in order!
The 2027 Legend of Zelda movie! While we don’t know much about it yet, the director seems like a die-hard fan, so hopefully his love for the original material will make this a piece of art worthy of the legend.

Lowered expectations: week 2!

by Laury

On 14/03/2025

In Readings, Self-care & self-compassion, TV shows

TRIGGER WARNING : Mention of cancer and death

A second week coming soon to a close, and the lowered expectations almost achieved their purpose!

The objective, let me remind you, was to give myself space to basically break down over all of last year’s difficult events, after repressing emotions and trauma for months because, simply put, I had more important things to do.

Saturday was the funeral for my aunt, who passed away from cancer last month. There had been several weeks between the two events, so the shock had mostly passed, and I was once again reminded how my siblings and I face death with humour.

(Nothing disrespectful to the lost one, nor to the loved ones. But we get that from my dad who, on his literal death bed chuckled, “Yeah right” when my sister said she would miss him.)

That would have been a logical breaking-apart point. But instead I met human connection with not only my siblings, but my extended family as well. It always wards off the darkness.

And then Monday came around. My work is currently deploying significant updates that suddenly made it impossible for me to connect and work from home, and 5 days later, we still don’t know why.

To be fair, the situation is genuinely confounding, but the stress generated by everything around it – working at the office on the busiest days, extra transit time off rush hour after spending hours talking to IT on several days, much less time to do my actual work, much less time and energy to take care of my home, and the prospect of this situation continuing for potentially much longer – became a lot. On Thursday back pain crept up, which happens under significant stress. Sleep was not very restful, which added to the whole situation.

The breakdown felt imminent. But I wasn’t going to let it happen in front of colleagues, so I planned to hold it together until the weekend.

Then my weekly one-on-one with my supervisor happened and we talked and again: human connection wards off the darkness. They have been supportive and understanding, and I think genuinely disappointed not to be able to help much. My request for next Wednesday off was immediately granted though, and my plans for a self-care day applauded. They encouraged me to make use of every possible resource.

So the breakdown didn’t happened. Though the problem persists, I was able to work from home today, I might be able to do so again next week, and a higher level of support contacted me to take charge of the issue. Now it’s the weekend, we’re having spring temperatures and weather (10°C today! 15°C tomorrow!) and things don’t feel as dire.

It’s never as catastrophic as it feels.

I do wonder if the breakdown is only being delayed, or if it’ll end up being smoothed out and healed. Obviously hoping for the latter, but time will tell!

****

I have not yet managed to finish Sarah Perry’s Enlightenment novel, only halfway through so far. Unfortunately, my digital loan came to its end and I couldn’t renew it as other people were in line. I did try to get it in paper format from my local library, where it was listed as available… but it wasn’t on the shelves. They’ll let me know if / when they find it, but in the meantime, I’m back in the queue for the digital version.

And I’ll be starting a new, physically-owned book until my turn comes : The Origins of Creativity, by Edward O. Wilson. I would have normally tried to start on a memoir (rotating from non-fiction to fiction to memoir) but to be fair, The Art of Learning was a bit of one anyway. Having a paper copy with no time limit on it will also make it easier to pause and pick up once Enlightenment becomes available again, in either format.

Things I’m watching these days :

The Pitt – A pretty hard-hitting medical drama showcasing life in the ER post-COVID.

Daredevil : Born Again – Revival of the formerly Netflix-Marvel series following masked and blind vigilante Daredevil.

9-1-1 – New season! Often lighthearted drama following the crew of the 118 fire station in Los Angeles.

Also excited for season 3 of The Wheel of Time, a fantasy drama where the world is facing challenging that had been brewing for centuries.

Happy weekend!

The Art of Learning, by Josh Waitzkin

by Laury

On 20/02/2025

In Readings, Reflexions

I finally finished a first book for this year, on February 20th…!

The challenges were manyfold.

First, outside of my control, a death in the family, stomach flu, and more recently a stomach bug, all of which consumed a lot of energy and focus.

Then partly within my control, the format I was reading it in. The issue with digital is that while it’s practical when in transit (of which there has been a lot since the start of the year), it’s best to avoid screens right before bed. Which is sadly the time I’ve left this daily task to far too often. Instead, I would read a section of Dr Brené Brown’s Atlas Of The Heart, in a physical format. Which while still being both actually reading, and worthwhile reading, wasn’t furthering my goal of finishing The Art of Learning.

And finally, completely within my control : just plain not taking the time. Choosing to do other things on my phone while in transit. While on my exercise bike.

Though somewhat disappointed that I didn’t properly show up for myself, still, it’s read! Some thoughts on it :

Narratively, as we follow the author’s journey through competing in chess then in martial arts, it was pretty interesting and compelling, even though the technical subtleties were often lost on me in my lack of knowledge of both those activities.
The reflexes of the author to reflect on their process, thought patterns, and how they handled emotion were both very relatable and inspiring. This is something I’ve come to do naturally and am always striving to improve on, especially working WITH emotions, and not against them.
At one point, I felt that I wasn’t actually the intended audience for this book. As the author’s journey is focused on competition and on their pursuit of the best possible performance, it contrasts pretty heavily with my current approach to learning, which is relaxed and utterly non-competitive. However, after a short while of this sentiment, I realized that there were still valuable lessons to be gained from that perspective and from the journey itself, even if my aim was not to that level.
I’ve known it for a while, but once again it hammered in the fact that failure is part of the process of learning. As unpleasant as it’s become to me. The author frames it as “investing in loss”, which while, again, is an expression rooted in competition, is nonetheless a positive way to see it.
The concept of practicing until something becomes so deeply ingrained in one’s brain that it comes without thinking reminded me how it can also be lost without practice. That is a concern I have with drawing – while it used to be a daily and intensive part of my life, I’ve lost a lot of the skills I had internalized to that sort of level. And there aren’t that many ways to regain them.
It has renewed my interest in trying out Tai Chi (one of the focus of the author’s journey), not as a competition, but as a physical and spiritual practice. I have yet to act on it, as time constraints and concerns about energy expenditures have made it tricky to coordinate. But it’ll be possible eventually 🙂

All in all a worthwhile read for me. I will now invest in the “loss” of not having met my goal of finishing it within the month of January and, more conscious of the challenges I faced, I will course-correct and make hopefully better choices 🙂

Wishing you a blissfully quiet February!

12 Books In 12 Months

by Laury

On 03/01/2025

In Plans & Events

I’ve read a good deal in 2024, but not as much as hoped considering the previous two years, so the plan is to make this a more conscious activity.

12 books in 12 months is a fairly low objective for a lot of people, but aiming lower creates an opportunity to surpass the goal which, at least in my case, makes for an even more satisfying success!

Here are the titles I’ve earmarked for this year. They are subject to change and are not in priority order, as some will be borrowed from the library and have a waiting list.

Non-fiction :

This category has been the most I’ve read of the 3 in the past few years. Understanding the world, people and their inner workings is always a thrill!

The choices here reflect this year’s aim to improve my systems, especially those around creativity.

The Origins of Creativity – Edward O. Wilson

“Reflecting on the deepest origins of language, storytelling, and art, Wilson demonstrates how creativity began not ten thousand years ago, as we have long assumed, but over one hundred thousand years ago in the Paleolithic age. Chronicling this evolution of creativity from primate ancestors to humans, The Origins of Creativity shows how the humanities, spurred on by the invention of language, have played a largely unexamined role in defining our species. And in doing so, Wilson explores what we can learn about human nature from a surprising range of creative endeavors–the instinct to create gardens, the use of metaphors and irony in speech, and the power of music and song.”

Mindfulness And The Art of Drawing – Wendy Ann Greenhalgh

“In this book, Wendy Ann Greenhalgh explores how the simple act of putting pen to paper creates a deeper connection with ourselves and the world around us. Through mindful creative exercises, personal anecdote, and a fresh outlook on perception, she reveals how doodlers and artists at any level in their craft can discover the mindful joys of drawing.”

Atomic Habits – James Clear

“If you’re having trouble changing your habits, the problem isn’t you. The problem is your system. Bad habits repeat themselves again and again not because you don’t want to change, but because you have the wrong system for change. You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. Here, you’ll get a proven system that can take you to new heights.”

The Art of Learning – Josh Waitzkin

“With a narrative that combines heart-stopping martial arts wars and tense chess face-offs with life lessons that speak to all of us, The Art of Learning takes readers through Waitzkin’s unique journey to excellence. He explains in clear detail how a well-thought-out, principled approach to learning is what separates success from failure. Waitzkin believes that achievement, even at the championship level, is a function of a lifestyle that fuels a creative, resilient growth process. Rather than focusing on climactic wins, Waitzkin reveals the inner workings of his everyday method, from systematically triggering intuitive breakthroughs, to honing techniques into states of remarkable potency, to mastering the art of performance psychology.”

Memoirs :

Similarly to non-fiction, getting acquainted with other people’s stories has been such a fantastic way to better understand humanity and sometimes, my own.

The following titles have been chosen because their authors are already people I admire, though it’s not excluded that less affectioned figures might make the cut at an ulterior time.

Finding Me – Viola Davis

“Finding Me is a deep reflection, a promise, and a love letter of sorts to self. My hope is that my story will inspire you to light up your own life with creative expression and rediscover who you were before the world put a label on you.”

Making it So – Sir Patrick Stewart

“From his acclaimed stage triumphs to his legendary onscreen work in the Star Trek and X-Men franchises, Sir Patrick Stewart has captivated audiences around the world and across multiple generations with his indelible command of stage and screen. Now, he presents his long-awaited memoir, Making It So, a revealing portrait of an artist whose astonishing life—from his humble beginnings in Yorkshire, England, to the heights of Hollywood and worldwide acclaim—proves a story as exuberant, definitive, and enduring as the author himself.”

Not My Father’s Son – Alan Cumming

“With ribald humor, wit, and incredible insight, Alan seamlessly moves back and forth in time, integrating stories from his childhood in Scotland and his experiences today as a film, television, and theater star. At times suspenseful, deeply moving, and wickedly funny, Not My Father’s Son will make readers laugh even as it breaks their hearts.”

Down With The System – Serj Tankian

“Braiding together Serj’s thought-provoking insight with heartfelt and poetic prose, Down with the System retraces Serj’s remarkable and unlikely journey, and explores what it’s taught him – about music, about art, about activism, and about himself. It’s an unforgettable ride that will leave you breathless – and an absolute delight for new fans and old ones alike.”

Fiction :

While I thrived on fiction for a large part of my reading life, in the recent past it’s taken a less important role. However, creativity (again, an aim for this year) ends to be significantly enhanced by experiencing that of others, so a specific effort will be made towards that 🙂

Enlightenment – Sarah Perry

“A thrillingly ambitious novel of friendship, faith, and unrequited love, rich in symmetry and symbolism, Enlightenment is a shimmering wonder of a book and Sarah Perry’s finest work to date.”

Thud! – Terry Pratchett (Discworld)

“With his beloved Watch crumbling around him and war-drums sounding, he must unravel every clue, outwit every assassin and brave any darkness to find the solution. And darkness is following him.

Oh . . . and at six o’clock every day, without fail, with no excuses, he must go home to read ‘Where’s My Cow?’, with all the right farmyard noises, to his little boy.

There are some things you have to do.”

Snuff – Terry Pratchett (Discworld)

“He is out of his jurisdiction, out of his depth, out of bacon sandwiches, and occasionally snookered and out of his mind, but never out of guile. Where there is a crime there must be a finding, there must be a chase and there must be a punishment.

They say that in the end all sins are forgiven.

But not quite all…”

Five Little Indians – Michelle Good

“With compassion and insight, Five Little Indians chronicles the desperate quest of these residential school survivors to come to terms with their past and, ultimately, find a way forward.”

It is not excluded that other titles might find their way into my year as it progresses, notably a few graphic novels that have already piqued my interest. The only reason none are included in the list is that they’re much shorter to read, so they’ll take less than a week. It’s too easy! So they’ll pad up my final yearly count instead 🙂

The Origins of Creativity was duly started on January 1st, but then The Art Of Learning became available to borrow that same evening, so let’s make it January’s goal instead!

Do you have any reading objectives this year? Any particular title you’re looking forward to, or a favourite to recommend?

Wishing you a fantastic start of the year!!