It’s been a while! To be completely frank, I lacked inspiration, and kept procrastinating. Exciting news were received today however, so I’ll get on with all of this!
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First, the less joyful but fulfilling nonetheless : I finished reading Enlightenment by Sarah Perry on the morning of April 1st. The physical copy I’d gotten from the Grande Bibliothèque de Montréal helped tremendously with focus. It had been too long since I’d had a real book in my hands.
The story was an exercise in finding ways to relate to characters I had little in common with, at least at first. The two main characters, Thomas and Grace, are initially found in a rather… old-fashioned baptist community. Thomas seems to be a bit of an outsider in every setting, and eventually we find out why. Watching him fall in love with astronomy and hold on to past loves was very endearing.
So is Grace, whose oddness, curiosity and hunger clash with her faith on several occasions and in as many different ways. Her temper, confusion, and conflict, while not one I specifically encountered, was nonetheless very relatable.
Overall the story was very human, both through the main characters and those orbiting them in the present, and through the mystery figure Thomas searches for in the past. Imperfect individuals trying their best to build a good life with what they’re given and falling prey to their own emotions.
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On April 2nd, the very next day, I started with Viola Davis’s memoir Finding Me. I knew I needed something especially engaging, and memoirs often do the trick. This one is no exception : a week later, it’s almost halfway done!
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I’m now a week and half back into my previous habits. My objective of completing 4 out of 7 of my daily goals turned out pretty well so far. Though itching to go back to fully fill out my checkmarks everyday, I also know that rushing into it is just likely to mess things up. I took a month off from expectations, I will at least give myself a few weeks to get back on track properly.
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One of the things I was aiming for was to draw for longer periods and more intentionally : make it a practice and actually work at it. I still haven’t pushed myself to do it. It is absolutely fear of messing up and of upsetting myself in the process. How annoying is it, to upset myself into being afraid of being upset!
Last week, I revisited my portfolio to motivate myself. Having not practiced consistently for years, my skills have rusted, and it is frustrating to try and shake it off. Looking back meant to inspire me, and to remind me that if I managed to get to that level of skills, I can do it again. It is going to necessitate intentional work, and it is going to remain frustrating for a long while, but it’s possible.
And it did inspire me. But I’m still afraid. That’s also something that needs work.
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The exciting news : 21 years after their first visit to Montreal, The Rasmus are coming back in a month for a concert!!
I cannot properly express how deeply their appearance in my life shaped it. The people I met, the experiences and opportunities, the growth that came from all of it… There is no wondering what my life would have been like had I not stumbled on their video for In The Shadows and subsequently gotten obsessed. I am genuinely grateful for all of it.
While there is some catching up to do on their discography, I look forward to it, and to both revisit memories and make new ones.
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I’ve been binge-watching Yellowjackets this week, which is all kinds of messed up and convoluted, but doing a great job and keeping me engaged. For the most part. There have been moments when it felt it was more background noise than anything else, and it made me reflect on my binging tendencies. No breakthrough yet, but awareness is the first step…