Category: Art & Practice

A busy week!

On 15/04/2025

In Art & Practice, Plans & Events, Readings, Reflexions, Self-care & self-compassion

Managed to finish Viola Davis’s memoir “Finding Me” in just 9 days! Makes me very happy. I might even succeed in going back to the plan of about one book per month!

Some thoughts :

The writing was pretty raw and less polished than I’ve read in memoirs previously, but considering the subject matters, it felt very appropriate and unfiltered.
I had not realized how much of a significance How To Get Away With Murder had : for some reason, when it started airing, it seemed to me that Viola was a household name and her casting was entirely and unquestionably warranted. It actually is, but that’s not how a lot of people saw it. I also did not know how challenging the journey to get there had been.
Though we actually have very little in common, I found her sensibility and sensitivity very relatable. Though I can still only imagine what she’s gone through from the words on the pages, as opposed to how she experienced it all, I have so much empathy for her courage and her pain.
Describing her witnessing of her father’s death hit a very sensitive and very raw wound, having gone through something similar just recently, and I’ll admit I broke down.
Her resilience shows so much through the pages, against everything she has endured. I already had a lot of respect for her, and the memoir sincerely cemented that.

***

Though I had “The Origins of Creativity” on my to-read next, “Atomic Habits” by James Clear became available on the Libby app. I’d put a hold on it and I had delayed that hold probably 3 times by now, so when I got the notification again on Friday night, knowing “Finding Me” was possible to finish in the next day, delaying the loan again didn’t make sense. Will hopefully finish it by the end of April.

Actually, I really have to finished it by May 3rd, as there are still many people waiting to get their turn so I wouldn’t be able to renew the loan..!

***

The advent of the once-in-20-years event that The Rasmus concert will be next month has spurred me to try and prepare drawings for them to sign if my friends and I end up being lucky enough to chat with them in person. So I have about a month to both practice, and to complete 4 quality drawings to get printed and signed. A challenge!

Here are the two I’ve done so far, Emppu and Eero :

***

My 7 dailies have been completed in full for the past 3 days! First time in… a really long time. It made me proud, but at the same time, it didn’t bring back the pressure to complete everything all the time, especially at the end of the day. Rushing to check off a botched task at the end of the day, exhausted and fed up, is not bringing me joy. Cleaning-slash-tidying up might be an exception, because the results are tangible and helpful. A quick doodle or two Finnish words I won’t remember is not added value.

***

For the first time in years, I attended a live model drawing session (yes, the nude kind) on Sunday, to improve both on anatomy and fluidity skills. Hadn’t realized it until I got there, but that specific session carried an additional challenge : a female model.

See, growing up drawing for fun from my own mind helped a lot to develop my creativity, and my imagination. Unfortunately, the latter tends to interfere with the attempts to realistically recreate something. Paired with being especially critical of the curves I draw, a female model thus presents a significant risk of frustration.

The sessions take place at one of the city’s universities, for a very modest price, and they alternate female and male models. I decided to go at the last minute this weekend because there wouldn’t be one the following Sunday, as the university is completely closed during Easter.

It actually went particularly well! Frustrating at first, but I reminded myself both that it had been years, and that this was a significant challenge, and to give myself some grace. It did help, and I still managed to go home with several pieces I’m very happy with!

I do see and feel a weakness in drawing feet, so I’ll do the mature artist thing and go practice that specifically. There are still two weeks until the next session, so plenty of time to find tutorials and to improve even a bit.

Various life updates

by Laury

On 09/04/2025

In Art & Practice, Music, Plans & Events, Readings, Reflexions, Self-care & self-compassion, TV shows

It’s been a while! To be completely frank, I lacked inspiration, and kept procrastinating. Exciting news were received today however, so I’ll get on with all of this!

***

First, the less joyful but fulfilling nonetheless : I finished reading Enlightenment by Sarah Perry on the morning of April 1st. The physical copy I’d gotten from the Grande Bibliothèque de Montréal helped tremendously with focus. It had been too long since I’d had a real book in my hands.

The story was an exercise in finding ways to relate to characters I had little in common with, at least at first. The two main characters, Thomas and Grace, are initially found in a rather… old-fashioned baptist community. Thomas seems to be a bit of an outsider in every setting, and eventually we find out why. Watching him fall in love with astronomy and hold on to past loves was very endearing.

So is Grace, whose oddness, curiosity and hunger clash with her faith on several occasions and in as many different ways. Her temper, confusion, and conflict, while not one I specifically encountered, was nonetheless very relatable.

Overall the story was very human, both through the main characters and those orbiting them in the present, and through the mystery figure Thomas searches for in the past. Imperfect individuals trying their best to build a good life with what they’re given and falling prey to their own emotions.

On April 2nd, the very next day, I started with Viola Davis’s memoir Finding Me. I knew I needed something especially engaging, and memoirs often do the trick. This one is no exception : a week later, it’s almost halfway done!

***

I’m now a week and half back into my previous habits. My objective of completing 4 out of 7 of my daily goals turned out pretty well so far. Though itching to go back to fully fill out my checkmarks everyday, I also know that rushing into it is just likely to mess things up. I took a month off from expectations, I will at least give myself a few weeks to get back on track properly.

One of the things I was aiming for was to draw for longer periods and more intentionally : make it a practice and actually work at it. I still haven’t pushed myself to do it. It is absolutely fear of messing up and of upsetting myself in the process. How annoying is it, to upset myself into being afraid of being upset!

Last week, I revisited my portfolio to motivate myself. Having not practiced consistently for years, my skills have rusted, and it is frustrating to try and shake it off. Looking back meant to inspire me, and to remind me that if I managed to get to that level of skills, I can do it again. It is going to necessitate intentional work, and it is going to remain frustrating for a long while, but it’s possible.

And it did inspire me. But I’m still afraid. That’s also something that needs work.

***

The exciting news : 21 years after their first visit to Montreal, The Rasmus are coming back in a month for a concert!!

I cannot properly express how deeply their appearance in my life shaped it. The people I met, the experiences and opportunities, the growth that came from all of it… There is no wondering what my life would have been like had I not stumbled on their video for In The Shadows and subsequently gotten obsessed. I am genuinely grateful for all of it.

While there is some catching up to do on their discography, I look forward to it, and to both revisit memories and make new ones.

***

I’ve been binge-watching Yellowjackets this week, which is all kinds of messed up and convoluted, but doing a great job and keeping me engaged. For the most part. There have been moments when it felt it was more background noise than anything else, and it made me reflect on my binging tendencies. No breakthrough yet, but awareness is the first step…

The end of the lowered expectations experiment

by Laury

On 30/03/2025

In Art & Practice, Readings, Reflexions, Self-care & self-compassion, TV shows

The fourth week has come to a close, and I have mixed feelings.

Overall, it did some good, even though the original goal was not exactly reached. I’m ending it now because though what it meant to accomplish didn’t happen, something else did that has the same end result.

The past year was very difficult, and though the various losses I sustained were generally processed in a healthier way than those of 2022 were – growth! – I fully expected myself to have a breakdown at some point. The lowered expectations were meant to give myself space to let that happen, so I could let it all out, then move on.

It came really close two weeks ago, when technical work issues had me so stressed and exhausted that the state of overwhelm followed me most of the week. I mentioned it to my supervisor who got really concerned, and then somehow, I think I pushed it all out of the way while reassuring him that this was part of a known cycle – it is – and that I’d be just fine – I was.

Not going to lie, it sorta felt like a missed opportunity. It also didn’t feel like things were getting repressed, so perhaps talking about it really did help process it. Who’d have known!

One consistent issue throughout the experiment has been the lack of energy. There had been hopes of sleeping more, better, and none of that happened. Unsurprisingly, having more time to feel and face my own feelings did not turn into long walks on the beach and romantic dinners with my emotions. Doomscrolling and constant background noise were the numbing poisons of choice practically the whole time. Doing less, in this case, led to burning more energy on unhelpful activities. And that also meant not having enough to infuse into the willpower to do anything about it.

And yet. Sometime last week, as I watched this video of advice on how to better wrangle oneself as an artist, something, somewhere in my mind, clicked back into place. Hard to define and impossible to explain, but for the first time in a really long time, and especially since my dad’s passing 6 months ago, I felt that I was going to be okay. Not yet, but eventually.

That was actually the cathartic moment that my lowered expectations were meant to bring me : the ability to see – no, to feel – a future. Not just being stuck in an uncomfortable, soul-crushing present.

Grief will always take exactly as much time as it needs, and that’s okay. Sometimes it will force me to sit down with it, but I’m not stuck in that chair anymore. I can start moving forward with it, hand in hand.

Today I’m starting my dailies and my tracking again. Immediately jumping back to what I used to expect of myself is obviously an almost surefire way to stumble and get frustrated, so the goal is only for 4 out of 7 dailies for the first week, then I’ll see how it went. My water intake will probably nearly double as it’s tracked – I’m probably somewhat dehydrated.

One major change will be drawing. 2 minutes isn’t enough to return to the levels of passion and skill I have been (passively) dreaming about, so I want to try and commit to an hour a day, on 4 days per week at first, then augment from that point. My job requires 2 office days per week, but then the hour can get split into 2 sessions of 30 minutes instead.

*******

Almost done with Enlightenment by Sarah Perry, as the Grande Bibliothèque de Montréal had available copies, rather than waiting for the digital copy, or for my neighbourhood library to find theirs. 60 pages left!

The Residence, an investigative Netflix dramedy, ended up very binge-worthy! Uzo Aduba was marvellous as the peculiar detective, and while realistic as it’s a Netflix show, I’m hoping for more seasons.

Caught up with the second season’s finale of Severance and looking forward to more confusion in the third one!

The Wheel of Time’s 5 first episodes of season 3 have been incredibly satisfying as well! 3 more to go!

Excited about :

A 3rd series of Avatar coming in 2026! A rewatch will be in order!
The 2027 Legend of Zelda movie! While we don’t know much about it yet, the director seems like a die-hard fan, so hopefully his love for the original material will make this a piece of art worthy of the legend.

Creativity in dark times

by Laury

On 26/02/2025

In Art & Practice, Reflexions

Walking back to public transit after a trip to the grocery store, I noticed an inscription in a shop window : “Visual arts centre this way”. And my first thought was, “Oh, I should look if they have exhibitions!”

Which is totally in line with this year’s general objective to experience more. But I hadn’t quite realized what this was in answer to until now.

I reflected on how it was still new for me to have that kind of impulse, and then how, of course, it was difficult to be open and creative when you’re dealing with uncertainty, depression, fear, on a personal level. Which is something I’ve known for a good while, but hadn’t yet understood how it applied to me.

As far as the pandemic goes, I was of the very, very lucky ones. As far as I know, there was no loss of employment in the company I work for, and most of us were quickly moved to working from home in March 2020.

Being introverted, and having just then recently discovered how high sensitivity has shaped me, lockdown came almost as a relief. No transit, much fewer people when I went out.

Obviously, again, this was an incredibly privileged position, and I’m also very grateful that it happened to suit me.

But in 2019, there had been a few months of medical leave to sort myself out. And despite my luck work-wise, and how blissfully quiet the world was for my temperament, I wasn’t blind to the distress around me the next year, and in the world at large.

Two family members passed in 2020, though unrelated to the pandemic. 2021 is a blur. 2022 left deep wounds, and the following year was me trying to heal them and deal with the scars. 2024 was difficult is so many, many ways.

Even this year is off to a rocky start.

A couple of years ago, it became apparent that a bad case of perfectionism had robbed me of my passion for drawing. Why start at all if I’m never going to be satisfied with the result? All this time since, I’ve been gently blaming myself for letting it go that far. To be fair, that has been part of the problem.

But somehow I forgot to take into account how difficult the past 5 years have been for me mentally. Not that I dismissed it, nor would I have done so for anyone else in my position. I just… didn’t realize.

Tant qu’il y a de la vie, il y a de l’espoir.

As long as there’s life, there’s hope.

So tonight I will gently apologize to myself for the misplaced blame, and once again practice self-compassion.

What I’ve learned this week

by Laury

On 15/01/2025

In Art & Practice, Reflexions

Already almost halfway through a first month! How are you doing?

One of my general objectives this year is to get more curious. I know, I know, having too many goals at the start of the year is an almost surefire way to ditch all of them. However, being curious is more of a practice and state of mind that can only benefit every sphere of my life.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back!

So here are a few things I learned this week :

Entity VS incremental theories of intelligence. I’m currently reading The Art Of Learning by Josh Waitzkin and it crystallized what I had generally understood here and there – the way we approach learning early on has a tremendous effect on how we approach a lot of things in life. Very simply put, entity theory refers to attributing success to an innate and fairly unchanging level of ability, whereas incremental, or learning theory refers to associating it to effort and improvement. The former focuses on accomplishments, which can in turn lead to prioritizing the things that come naturally and shy away from what would require growth. The latter encourages practice and is more likely to have failure as a normal part of the learning process. For example, incredibly lucky to understand things quickly, I went through primary and secondary school pretty easily, without having to study all that much. When schooling became more complex and I didn’t understand new material as easily, my performance dropped drastically. Same with drawing – I was told I was talented from a young age, but I never had the drive to practice and get better – I just drew so much it happened on its own. For a while. Once perfectionism also soured the fun of it, art became a source of anxiety when it had once been a core part of my life. I’m only now realizing how crippling it has become, hence my desire to go back to basics, and to try new things, especially if they feel uncomfortable.
It can easily take several days to recover from one bad mental health day. The last part of 2024 was a significant challenge, and being now fairly well-acquainted with grief, I’m aware that it can creep up on you any time it wants, for no particular reason. It did so over a week ago, and while things were already much better the next day, it took almost five more to start feeling like myself again. My therapist said it’s normal! It’s important to let yourself feel the hard stuff too, and to exercise self-compassion through it. That is why I haven’t taken the time to follow another Skillshare class this week.
Speaking of classes, I learned that a one-line drawing, of florals at least, should be started from the bottom, and that my left-handedness is definitely going to be a challenge in taking art classes! Some of the exercises, which I’ve been repeating almost daily, have been challenging because of it – I start them in the right direction but my brain gets confused as I progress. Clearly something I need to practice further!

What have you learned lately that tickled your mind?

A First Class : One-Line Drawings

by Laury

On 07/01/2025

In Art & Practice

Happy Tuesday! We’re almost halfway there 😉

I finally sat down to do a Skillshare class and decided on “One-Line Drawing: Cultivate Calm & Creativity with On-Trend Illustrations”. Could definitely do with some calm!

Obviously, the contents of the course can’t really be shared here, but my final results and my impressions can! Keep in mind, it’s not a review of the course, simply my experience.

***

We are first provided with a worksheet, which I hadn’t done in years. Yes, thinking I was above that. Turns out, I’m really not! I struggled with some of the exercises, though sometimes in part because the teacher is right-handed, like most people out there, and I’m not. Trying to follow her lead on some exercises was a bit of a challenge, from the starting point to the side loops curled, although ultimately rewarding.

Some of the doodles felt oddly nice, as they flowed easily under my pen. And still, I made the conscious decision to gravitate more towards those that gave me trouble. After all, doing the things I’m already comfortable with is no way to progress!

Early on, the teacher recommended that we pay attention to how our body felt as we drew, and it surprised me to realize how tense I was. Focused, yes, but my jaw and my hands especially were tight. Becoming aware of it I could ease that, but as soon as I zoned into the drawing away, tension would return. Perhaps more regular practice might help?

One of the symptoms of that tightness is – and come to think of it, has always been – putting too much pressure on my drawing tool. Attempts to alleviate that consciously doesn’t work very well with being in a state of flow, so I resorted to holding my pencil from the end rather than the tip, which helped the pressure, but left me unhappy with the quality of the result.

Either way, practicing was still actually fun, despite the repetitiveness and occasional annoyance of still not getting a loop or a curve right. Which is why I moved on from trying to attain a satisfactory (to my hopes) result with drawing myosotis,

An attempt at drawing myosotis in a single line

And on to a more lily-like shape :

lily-like flower drawn from a singe line

Having to draw a shape repeatedly, and then all over again when it turned out I wasn’t starting it from the same point as in the actual drawing, was a nice challenge! I will probably practice more in the coming days (and perhaps weeks) as this has been unexpectedly pleasant to do, even as I remained tense. I’d chosen the course because it wasn’t a technique I was familiar with, and to be quite honest, because it was fairly short. But I’m glad I did 🙂

Practice sheets of one-line flower drawings

Have you done anything outside of your comfort zone lately? How did it go?

A gently courageous week to you!